I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
