Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
