i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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