She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
