New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
