uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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