I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
