I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
