So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
