And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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