those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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