loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
