i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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