Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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