I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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