I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
