Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
