My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
