Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
she looked like the before picture.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
