How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
