I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
