Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
