you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
