I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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