Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I think my vagina is haunted
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
