I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
