I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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