Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
