ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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