Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
