I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
