You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
