Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize