a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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