i think i have two assholes
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
