i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
