i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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