erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
