Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
