I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
