Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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