Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
