He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
