i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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