Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
