Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
