i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
