I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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