Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
