evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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