who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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