Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
