I hope mine doesn't look like that
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
