Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
