Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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