im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
