You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
