sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
