I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
