worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
