i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
