The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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