Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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