My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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