I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
